Once, in a Macclesfield talk, James said to us …’If you are so anxious about this, how will you be if you get a cancer diagnosis?’

Recent experience gave me the opportunity to find this out…and the answer is ‘very different with the dharma than without.’

I’ve a bit of a medical background and had a strong sense that, despite the certainty of the dermatologist that it was benign, the tumour on my ear was a melanoma.

Happily, despite confirming her initial opinion by checking through her dermatoscope, our discussion did eventually lead to a biopsy (Trust your intuition and work with the circumstances… which included that the dermatologist had been covering for those off sick and was exhausted).

In the weeks before the result came back I did some research…(not ‘just a wee stookie’ standing immobile in the face of changing circumstances but saying …’this is coming, so what’s wise to do?’)

With a melanoma, best practice for best result would be for one excision, done correctly – to clear the tumour, and a.s.a.p.

The head and neck are particularly problematic sites where recurrence is not uncommon and this is not good news. Tumours on the ear are asymmetrical with often a high degree of sub-clinical spread. It’s a site where the ‘in-need-of-review yet nationally applied’ wide margin excision guide-lines may well be inadequate and, in practice, frequently not achieved.

I found out…a lot!… and when the biopsy result confirmed my intuition, this helped me to make the moves which I felt were most likely to achieve the best chance of complete recovery. What the ear would look like afterwards was inconsequential…though ears are surprisingly useful – enhancing hearing and sound-locating ability…and for hanging glasses, hearing aids and masks over!

Thanks to the dharma this research did leave space for practice and connection so my world didn’t completely shrink to the size of my ear for a couple of months…and, although i could see a tendency to grasp at definite knowledge for reassurance, the more I looked the more i could see it’s insubstantial nature…in practice the world opens as it does and with there is plenty of self-liberating weird shit (to borrow a phrase) and plenty of curved balls in the mix!

I’m just now happily working my way through the infections, and antibiotics which followed the surgeries…
There are no certainties but a very good chance of a complete recovery…from this…
but not perhaps other sicknesses, and certainly not old age and death.

Death is surely coming, so what’s wise to do?
Being able to recognise and work with the circumstances of death requires prior knowledge not to found in PubMed!… and a different relationship to the body from that which currently prevails.

So if you can…do listen as James * teaches on the Bardos this weekend.
*Link takes you to the text and translations of it.
Update –the recordings of this weekend of teaching are now available to listen to/ listen again here.

Knowing impermanence as truth and that this body is a vulnerable and complex little shell…although i have been very healthy and healed well in the past.. the dharma whispers in my ear ‘not always so’ ‘do not assume, take nothing for granted’.

Just now the body is maybe a bit useful, so some effort to maintain it seems right…but in knowing that it’s an expression of, rather than being entire truth of ‘me’…anxiety is diminished.

Knowing how much other beings are suffering…i share in that, this little drama is insignificant.
And being composed of an inexpressible numbers of uniquely and inexpressible vanishing moments…there is freshness. So living with the ‘lasagne effect’ of: ‘there was this! on top of that! on top of that!’ is avoided.

It is only in staying present as presence that the richness is revealed…otherwise it’s masked by the falsity and staleness of presenting a conceptualised ‘me’…and all that goes with that…

The dharma teachings, bringing lightness freedom and connectivity, are so precious and have come to us through lineages of teachers… each embodying and teaching from wisdom with a profound commitment to the welfare, to enlightenment, for all beings.
Without their help we would be, and I would have been, and as my sat. nav. says in Billy Conolly’s voice…’Completely lost!’

June 14th, this Tuesday, is Saga Dawa Duchen, Paravirvana day… a day to reflect on the teachings of the historical buddha, of C.R.Lama and all the teachers of the lineage… this was James’ suggestion.
He also suggested that we take the time to appreciate and reflect on the precious connection we have with each other, in the dharma. I’ll be doing that : ) and the repelling all obstacles and…

wearing a sun-hat, in the shade and, soon, sun cream on the ears as well!