Wendy

Paying tender attention to your cucumber – a Valentine’s day invitation.

In the early days James once mentioned to me in a fleeting sentence that…

…. ‘when i could slice a cucumber…. then i would…grace.’

Both koans and cucumbers come in different shapes!

I can remember my thinking at the time…’Oh my goodness!…so i have all the grace of an elephant!’

Wrong thinking on many counts:

Firstly elephants are amazingly graceful in their movements…

Secondly James wasn’t really talking about physical gracefulness per se….

Thirdly it wasn’t a judgment about me…

…it was an invitation to see/be different.

images

That self-referential thought led to something helpful.

I watched myself slice a cucumber. Very quick…chop, chop chop… and swish the results into a bowl…onto the next thing… zip, zip

I could see the speed…grab the cucumber, grab the board and the knife and get the job done!
Speed and efficiency as priority plus the distraction of  unnecessary thinking (whether off-piste, pissed-off or bog-standard) precluded any real participation in, and enjoyment of, the process.

Yes, the slices were quite even, and no, i did not cut myself… but acting in this way i lost any sense of presence and also the offering of the cucumber…
Its texture, its ridges and asymmetry, its variegation in colour, its coolness, fresh scent, and glistening interior passed me by, as did the knife with its shiny blade, the balanced weight of the handle and its hardness, the arc of the knife as it moved through the air and the hand that was holding it…the warmth and the cool, the movement of the arm.
The way the slices pile up onto each other, then topple over…and the texture and warmth of the wooden board under the hand as the cucumber is slid off into the shining bowl…all these were lost to ‘goal–orientated chopping!”…
The  shape and weight of both the cucumber and the knife invite the hands into a different grips, but this and the relation of the activity to space…and everything else… just whizzed by me…

The task, for me, was something to be got out of the way as soon as possible…? in order to get on with something more important?… but if your practice is your life…exactly which bits, which moments, are unimportant?
If, as within samsara, the next moment is predicated on this one, surely this moment matters too…?

Remembering that it is ‘I’ (my little egoic thought–structure) who says this moment is ‘special’ or ‘rubbish’  could i move from this towards fully seeing each moment just it as it is?
It’s one thing to read about lack of inherent self-nature in phenomena, it’s another to directly experience the open ground of arisings, yet even then the tendency to impute has such a very long history behind it….

Rather than commenting on my deportment, I think James was positing the possibility of living a different kind of politeness, a politeness which is itself grace; gesturing towards an absolute welcome to each moment in its entirety. An appreciation completed if the moment is fully received…without prejudice.

A  soft attuned participation will surely come with that practice…rather than rushing through and pushing on…on to the next…and the next.   Each moment is entire; it is there just for you…as a revelation of the creativity of your mind.

Washing floors, opening doors,
taking the lid off the milk or cutting silk..
Present or absent? awake or asleep?
Noticing, noticing…the sense of separation… then remembering…the form and the senses are always ‘becoming’ together with everything…yet not becoming any ‘thing’ as such… within your unborn awareness.

If self and other come into being together a gentle enquiry could be appropriate….how friendly are you with the potato?….how tender towards your self?  

 

 

Gift-horses…coming and going


image-of-polio-virusWell if this ‘blog’ were about cats, with cute pictures of them crawling over the PC or dancing on the table then millions of people would enjoy…

As I’m able to see how many people look at this site (whether or not they enjoy it or find it helpful is a mystery) …i know it is not like Cats…  but it’s enough to make me feel that it’s worthwhile. I haven’t written for a bit as I did a little retreat over Christmas and then had the pleasure of entertaining the local virus in bed… interesting shapes they come in…(see left).

This was an ordinary kind of virus (rather than one of man’s engineered new ‘life forms’ – virus +injected DNA) and  dealt with by the immune system in its own good time. However because I use a voice recognition system – my typing is so slow – writing this was impossible for some time as it didn’t recognise my voice.

So I had some time to just be properly quiet… no point to try and do anything.

There I am propped up in bed… and happy, delighting in the fact that for dharma practitioners everything is an opportunity for practice. Being a bit woozy and just sitting up and meditating for hours was a situation occasioned by a virus…so thank you virus!

There are teachings e.g. from my mother… and the zen tradition (and dzogchen in a way) which suggests you say Thank You! for everything.  You do not ‘look a gift-horse in the mouth!’ Whatever it is…its this, and its here for you…’whether you like it or not’.

‘Whether you like it or not’ is what makes this tricky to practice…
It gets easier when you see that your opinion is kind of irrelevant; that you have choices around making this the main event; and that what you make of it can go many ways – depending on your karmic or dharmic outlook!

I used to be quite irritated by people who would announce ‘it’s a gift!’ into the face of someone who was struggling with an event. I don’t think that’s at all helpful, but if you know for yourself how to change your perspective when you are ‘sinking’  then you have options.

Saying ‘Thank you’, mentally or verbally, slows down the immediate reactivity and gives space to put the experience into a wider perspective…and more to the point there’s a softening that comes with acceptance.
This contrasts favourably for us, as we experience this in the body, with the narrowing and tightening which occurs with an attempt to reject the unwanted gift… and frustration at the impossibility of rejecting something which has already arrived.

You probably look at a gift quite carefully, with appreciation… ‘I didn’t necessarily ask for whatever this is, maybe it’s really not something I want at all… but here it is…hmm… Well, there will be different ways of working with it’… and with this more relaxed approach… the more relaxed I am the more I’ll be able to see and feel what these possible responses are.

Why is this ‘gift’ here just now, where did it come from?
Well you could probably say something…
You could look at some of the infinite number of factors that brought it about on the level of dependent co-origination…. but looking from a limited perspective you would only ever see a few of these …. so why bother even trying to work it out why, it’s usually far too complex!
Sometimes though it is useful to look, there may be something to be learned, something to change in the way of behaviour to alter an outcome if that’s what you want.
But is there really something to be done?
If so, what is it?… then do it.. If there is not – just leave it… it’s just like this and its ok.

I remember each time my daughter caught a cold, when she was very little, a relative would ask me ‘who gave that to her’? And sounding quite cross about it. I was so surprised by this…

I thought that, if actually I could ‘name names’, would she want me to go round and bop them on their (probably already sore) nose? It was not an intentional gift. But she’s not alone, I’ve heard other adults saying much the same, sometimes in annoyance and sometimes just as statements… ‘I got it from here or there’, ‘so-and-so had it and then I got it from him’, but what’s the point of that? even if they are, in part, correct… you can’t give it back!

The ‘use by date’ of this gift  is also something to look at seeing as you have some influence there.
The cold will go quickest if you take care of yourself – early nights, keeping warm, plenty of hot drinks.
But if say, you torture yourself with a continuous re-presentation of the horrors of the world, in fusing your energy with those thoughts then it’s quite possible that your immune system will also be compromised.
I was speaking with a lady today who is going to try comedy instead of horror for a while – she has been suffering off and on with a virus since October and has become hooked on watching horror films in the evening.

Sometimes you can go all the way around the houses with people who are upset and then find they are not actually interested in letting go of their sorry state.  ‘Well thank you, but I think I just need to sit some more with my anger/ depression.”

Well, I guess if you think you own it, then sitting with your very own ‘pile of pooh’ seems a valid thing to do!

Sure, pushing it away will make it stay (you’ll get it all over you) as in doing this you are validating the imagined ability of a thought, feeling, or sensation to overwhelm you. You energise it by your attention and make it act like a boomerang –  ‘I am going to  get rid of this ‘thing’… (to which I am attached)… so i  forcefully push it away… and it comes right back and hits me… with the same force used to throw it!’

Putting ‘it’ inside an imaginary box inside yourself, which you then lock, is no real solution. It means that these thoughts have an unnoticed continuous impact – it leaks out…  you have imagined a compartment (toilet) inside you which is a no-go area…and that’s not going to contribute to a free flow of energy.

Someone I was talking with recently, who had been severely traumatised, had been advised by her counsellor to deal with fearful situations by imagining a small safe box inside herself and then for her to climb inside it and shut the door!
I was amazed, how could making yourself feel even smaller, powerless and disengaged in the middle of a difficult situation be at all helpful?
It is exactly the opposite of what the dharma would suggest.
As a sentient being, with a precious human re-birth, and having the nascent potential to express the wisdom and compassion of the buddhas, there are many methods available to change our relationship with ourselves and others, to change our way of being such that, relative to the full openness of being, the difficult situation is a small movement – tumbleweed – and so being overpowered by external events becomes less and less likely .
The easiest, though initially difficult, way is just to let the experience flow through without attaching to it…as a part of the infinite dynamic experiential field. Trust that it will go by itself anyway if you let it… impermanence will see to that.

Whatever the situation – the point is to stay spacious and turn the available energy in the right direction, not waste it down spiralling avenues of speech or thoughts that go to nowhere…..

Someone who came to the Crediton group was very taken by the following story… it meant a lot to her and she used it to help relate usefully to the changing circumstances of her world…

wild-horsesIt’s the story in which a magnificent wild horse turns up, quite out of the blue, at the master’s farm high up in the mountains.

The neighbours said ‘Oh, how lucky you are!’…but the master said ‘maybe yes… maybe no’…  which leaves them puzzled.

The horse escapes… ‘ Oh, how unlucky you are’ say the neighbours… ‘maybe yes… maybe no’ says the master…  They think…’how strange he is!’

Sometime later the horse returns bringing the rest of the herd with it.

The neighbours say ‘Oh, how very, very lucky you are!’…but the master says ‘maybe yes… maybe no’ which leaves them completely nonplussed.

A few days later… the master’s son was trying to ride the horse but he falls off and breaks his leg.

The neighbours say ‘Oh, how unlucky you are, what with the harvest coming up and everything, what bad luck!’  the master says ‘maybe yes… maybe no’ which again leaves the neighbours shaking their heads, with much discussion about him and his ‘weird words’ over tea, and breakfast and dinner.

A few days later some guerrillas came through the area collecting, at gunpoint, all the young able-bodied men… taking them off to fight for them.

The young man with a broken leg was left behind…

[Depending on how phlegmatic the young man’s reaction to the old man’s ‘maybe yes… maybe no’ this could be good or bad luck for the master!]

He  had a mind of equanimity….and  maybe he could see round corners.

Within the realisation of the empty nature of all phenomena, hanging a label on an experience and then writing an opinion on the label is still quite possible to do – but it’s not ‘essential’ to have an opinion on everything, nor is the opinion taken to be definitive…or something which has to be pumped into the world.
When we do the work of the ego, in labelling and judging according to some pre-figured thoughts, we loose touch with the flow of experience… narrowing down onto, and effectively isolating, one aspect from the complete moment.  Then, as we judge it we solidify the experience…and get.. heavy!
It’s perfectly possible to discriminate, to recognise distinctions and difference, without judging…(that’s when the ‘and I don’t like it…it’s bad.. and it shouldn’t be like that’ comes in).
Conversely, when we do the work of the buddha we put into question the nature of the one who is doing the judging, and also the nature of that which is being judged.

If the true nature of these arisings (which includes the egoic structure) is clearly seen, this loosens the knots of fear and desire. Without seeking ‘good’ times or trying to avoid ‘bad’ it’s all a much lighter play…

 

 

 

 

 

A timeless gem, a present from the Tao….

This link will take you to the translation of the 9781848375444-uk-300Tao Te Ching done by J.H. McDonald in 1996

This extraordinary teaching is as pertinent now as when it was written around  2500 years ago.

I have come across quite a few different translations  and find this to be the clearest so far…. and I have seen some which are very strange indeed!

This is a translation for the public domain so I believe it’s fine to offer it in this way. I found it on a site, to which I am grateful, but as it was decorated by, amongst other things, a picture of a small tank…..

…. I have ‘re-wrapped’ it for your enjoyment.

If it appeals to you I found some attractive soft-back copies of this translation which are available from Abe books.

No i don’t get commission :-)    Merry Christmas!

Good bye and good luck to those at Wisdom books

Wisdom books (Ilford, Uk) was run by some very friendly helpful and knowledgeable people on a not-for-profit basis – a pretty rare way of operating these days but particularly meritorious in their enabling and facilitating of dharma study over many years.

They recently ceased trading and i wanted to join with many others in thanking them for what they have done and in hoping that their new lives are healthy, enjoyable, fruitful and as full of dharma as before!

He said……!!!

he_said_what-330It is my pleasure to edit some of the audio recordings – mainly those made in England –  and also the archived material from tape recordings.

The video recordings however, along with many of the audio recordings, are unedited and therefore contain material which given time and facility might otherwise have been removed. It is also possible that there is some material left in the recordings I have edited which may cause, at least, raised eyebrows…not that that is necessarily a ‘bad thing’.

So I think it may be useful to explain some of what i understand about the giving and receiving of this kind of teaching. It is essentially non–dogmatic, arising from the ground itself, for the benefit of those who are listening… at the time the teaching is given.
If you are listening later it is still true dharma and truly beneficial, but it’s different in that its dynamic nature, of teaching relating to and evoked by that particular context, is not apparent.

Within the mix of those who are listening at the time the levels of dharma understanding will vary with their particular lineaments of confusion [i.e. whatever they are bringing  to the teaching in the way of bias or tendencies.]

So in talking with people after James has talked…and in the groups that I have facilitated…I have noticed that some people hear something loud and clear as though it was just for them, whilst other people have different foci.  Sometimes what is fed back as something he/she said – is definitely not what came out of the mouth – however it’s what the person ‘heard’ and sometimes this is useful…but sometimes the change has been made by the recipient so that it fits in with their current beliefs.  Also, adding to the mystery of this process, i know that i have ‘heard’ material which checked out with James… but is not on the recordings.

Whole chunks of teaching can also just slide by if the key to access them is missing or as consequence of distraction  …. and often that which is abstracted, and held to, may need the context and the view in order for it to be correctly comprehensible.

At the time the words are spoken they may be an expression of the speakers mood,  but moods and feeling and circumstances are always changing. So there could be room in our own conversations  for ‘what did you mean by…’ and ‘i understood you to say … is that correct?’…’Is it still how you feel or have things changed?’

My mother used to say “Say what you mean…and mean what you say” …but so often we are unable to clearly express what we mean with words …we would have to go on and on and on…and in trying to refine the particulars of the expression we get further from the heart of the matter… and anyway, what we do say is then interpreted through a conditioned  matrix, or filter, in the others ears.

Teachers also can be unreliable, this may be a selfish act…i remember one teacher advising me that it is ‘good to keep them waiting’ adopting a superior position and incorrect…but unreliability may not be an ‘act’ but a fact – a response to situations which are dynamic.  At a certain level reliability may be a showing of generosity towards the students need at that time – but at some point  questions around the desire for a straight-jacket of reliability based on conventional expectations will arise. ‘You said’ can be met with myriad responses… which do not include ‘i said…. so i must!’…though if being reliable is appropriate that’s also possible!

James once said that a dermatology consultant gave him the simple explanation of the way he worked with patients’ conditions: ” if it’s wet – dry it”  ” if it’s dry – wet it”.  So sometimes a teacher moves to the left, showing that the right is an empty position, and vice versa. If an opinion is voiced it is just that…an opinion, not a defining truth…and someone who really knows what they are talking about will not turn an opinion into a keystone – a belief on which to rest the apparent weight of existence.

Any ‘truth’ which can be spoken will depend on concepts and is a reflection in  relative reality –  so its an expression which may be useful – but is never the truth itself.

Certainly great practitioners can see a situation very much more clearly than is usual but at the same time the relative domain is very complex in its interdependencies, its nature is impermanence and when James first started teaching in Macclesfield he sang  ‘if you’re looking for someone who’s  always right and never wrong – that ain’t me Babe!’… for me that was very refreshing.

In my experience this particular teacher, rather than regurgitating the scriptures… or other’s interpretations of them… is working more  with directly manifesting of the dharma into the energetic field. For this reason he can drop ‘bombshells’  to wake/ shake the field, evoke a mood of playfulness, be outrageous… whatever is required by the situation to facilitate the transmission of the dharma. It bounces off rigidity …though rigidity is not apart from it.

The intention is not  ‘never disturb anyone’… quite the contrary… because it is from our assumptions – into which we have fallen asleep, believing them as truths we can rest inthat a great teacher gives their time and energy to help us awaken.

All the way along the dharma path there are encampments where people feel they have ‘arrived’…  ‘these teachings are it – Now I Know! This is how we should be!’  If they are lucky they will hear the whistle of someone who points out the way around the corner that fewer people know of.

So it’s very interesting to look at what exactly it is that we snag or snarl up up  around… our own certainties of rights and wrong, good and bad, that which we think is ultimately true,  inalienably and enduringly so… then, looking  to see whether there isn’t  a dharma view which dissolves or transcends this.

The Buddha’s later teachings were perfect for some… others were completely appalled…but thankfully, whatever our level of understanding, there are dharma teachings which, if applied correctly, will certainly increase our capacity to act (or not) from wisdom.

 

 

 

The chocolate bar – grace and generosity

220px-Cadbury-BournvilleGrace and generosity….
Generosity exhibited by the giver of the chocolate bar …

and grace by the recipient who, despite finding the words ‘you’re homeless aren’t you?’ uncomfortable, and despite not actually wanting a bar of chocolate, nonetheless accepted it… as he could see the giver wanted him to.

He was moved to tears afterwards by the gesture, this surprised him… he didn’t realise that part of him, the ability to be touched and moved, was still functioning.
Not only that but he now feels directly supported, as a Christian, by angels…not all of whom, he now suspects, are male!

Just about to go a job interview, at which he very badly needs to succeed, the confidence boost is very helpful.

So whilst he felt some discomfort in seeing that his poor state was so obvious to others, and also the gift didn’t match his needs… the giver’s intention came from the open heart…and had a beneficial effect for both.

For now…he’s keeping the chocolate bar !

[this links with the earlier post ‘everything you do makes a difference’]

 

Everything you do makes a difference…

Juni_2012_Alte_Fasanerie_Sikahirsch-Kuh-2I was talking with a homeless man who had in his hands an envelope… not bad news as it turned out but good, so good he could hardly believe it – that he had been found a place to live in, a place where he could cook and where perhaps his daughter might visit him.

He had recently been very disappointed as a tenancy that had been found for him was withdrawn at the last minute by the landlords – but that place did not have cooking facilities and this new place was much more suitable.

For many years he had been living alone in some woods. His business had collapsed, it was a small business employing nine people, and in the disappointment and sadness with himself and life, he retreated completely.

He told me that two things had brought him to a point where he felt he could engage again with society.

The first was that one day a deer with a fawn at foot walked into the clearing where he lived. It looked about, sniffed the air, and then eat a few leaves before leaving… he felt accepted by the wood and its creatures – he felt he belonged.

The second was when a teenager detached herself from a group of other teenagers walking over a bridge and came and sat down beside him, beside the river, for a few minutes. She said  ‘you’re all right (his name), you’re all right!’

Seven words… and her gesture of leaving the familiar to sit briefly with the outsider…no pushing, no judgment, made such a difference.

so all good luck to him… and the teenager…and our homeless bothers and sisters.

After Cathy  is an excellent and powerful radio documentary formed of the recordings of the lives of three homeless people compiled fifty years after ‘Cathy Come Home’ shocked the nation (well, some of it!)

“do not take lightly small good deeds…in time they fill giant pot”

Likewise “do not take lightly small misdeeds, believing they can do no harm:even a tiny spark of fire can set alight a mountain hay”

– from The Words of My Perfect Teacher by  Patrul Rinpoche…a book which fell into my hands when visiting my mother in Malta many year ago and is an inspiring, comprehensive and very readable explanation of the dharma pathways and pitfalls.

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image:4028mdk09 (via Wikimedia-Commons) / bei Nutzung bitte zusätzlich angeben “aufgenommen im Wildpark Alte Fasanerie Klein-Auheim”, via Wikimedia Commons https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AJuni_2012_Alte_Fasanerie_Sikahirsch-Kuh.JPG

Index to Macclesfield talks and videos

The on-going index to links and titles of the available Macclesfield audios and videos  is available on this website in  Audios/ Videos section.  Its existence may get ‘buried’   so i’m adding a  link to it here.

THE LAND OF THE ENLIGHTENED

image.phpOn 11 November the cinema was less than full – in fact only four people had come to watching this extraordinary and impactful film.

 http://thelandoftheenlightened.com

The number watching was no indication of its quality – its evocation of the complete madness and irresponsibility of the war in Afghanistan and its enduring legacy, of the energy and resilience of the children and of scenery of great vastness… of harshness and beauty.

International Film Festival Rotterdam (USA, 2016) World Cinema Documentary Special Jury Award: Best Cinematography at Sundance Film Festival

SHORT SYNOPSIS from savage films

A gang of Afghan kids from the Kuchi tribe dig out old Soviet mines and sell the explosives to children working in a lapis lazuli mine. When not dreaming of the time when American troops finally withdraw from their land, another gang of children keeps tight control on the caravans smuggling the blue gemstones through the arid mountains of Pamir.
SYNOPSIS

In this seamless blend of fictional and documentary form, we experience a stunning cinematic journey into the beauty of war-tormented Afghanistan. Shot over seven years on evocative 16mm footage, first-time director Pieter-Jan De Pue paints a whimsical yet haunting look at the condition of Afghanistan left for the next generation. As American soldiers prepare to leave, we follow De Pue deep into this hidden land where young boys form wild gangs to control trade routes, sell explosives from mines left over from war, and climb rusting tanks as playgrounds-making the new rules of war based on the harsh landscape left to them.  De Pue’s transportative and wonderfully crafted film confronts the visceral beauty and roughness of survival, serving as a testament to the spirited innovation of childhood and the extreme resilience of a people and country.  – Sundance Film Festival

This seems to be available free to download on the internet.

Macclesfield videos/audios

From 2003 James has taught in Macclesfield  either once or twice a year. Originally when he came up he taught in a little room above pizza express, in a park building and in a hospital out-building.  After that the group of practitioners in Macclesfield had the use of a building which became a buddhist centre…

For about a decade Chris Coppock, who was a major contributor to this, made audio recordings of the talks which James gave and also made (latterly with Charles Lomas) some video-recordings.

These video–recordings are being archived and Barbara is adding them to the Vimeo collection on the simplybeing.co.uk website.

Latest set of videos now available – Refuge is liberation / Garab Dorje’s Three Points as the essence of refuge. From fusion to dualistic intention to  non-dual liberation…    ( Nov 2008)

Due to causes and conditions that buddhist centre eventually folded but happily James has continued to come north and teach in different venues, annually, since then.

I know some people are following through with the audios of the Macclesfield talks and thought it might be helpful to put the links to the available videos and audios which are available to listen or download from the simplybeing website…all grouped together on one page.

So far we have:

1. View of dzogchen  Nov 2003      audio talk                (audio only )

2. Dzogchen practice-Focussing and Distraction July 2004 audio  (audio only )

 

3. Living with anxiety and doubt February 2005   audio        (audio only )

 

4. Wisdom and compassion   May 2006   audio              (audio only )

 

5. Lojong – Mind training  Dec 2006    audio                videos (x3)

 

6. The transmission of  flow and the flow of transmission  June 2007   audio      videos(x3)

 

7. Clearing the clutter November 2007     audio       videos  (x3)

 

8. Integrating the dzogchen view with basic buddhist practice March 2008    audio     videos (x3)

 

9. Refuge is liberation- Garab Dorje’s Three Points as the
essence of refuge-From fusion to dualistic intention to
non-dual liberation     Nov 2008           audio       videos  (x3)

 

10. Love,compassion,joy and equanimity- the four immeasurables June 2009 audio 

 

11. Four foundations of mindfulness-a dzogchen perspective Jan 2010     audio

 

12. Working with change and impermanence   Nov 2010      audio

 

13.  The illusory nature of experience  March 2012    “The Heart Sutra”      audio      videos(x3) 

 

14. Integrating openness and presence   Feb 2013   audio    (audio only)

 

15. Balancing relation and effort in buddhism Feb 2014 audio  (audio only )

 

16. Staying open to life as it is      Feb  2015        audio            (audio only )

 

17. Buddhism and creativity         Feb 2016       audio                    (audio only )

 

18. Dissolving attachment in the openness of being  Feb 2017                audio    video

 

We’re working on the videos for talks 10, 11 and 12 and I’ll add the links as they become available…

‘Note to self’ :

 

Light + concept = pseudo-entity

 

In the speed of interactions in the world – will i remember the truth of this?
[from Macclesfield talk 08 Integrating-the-dzogchen-view-with-basic-buddhist-practice/ ]

Any time i tighten or freeze and ‘make something of it’ i know that i’ve got lost in a situation and fused with concepts, with my thoughts or feelings or sensations.

Reminding myself of the truth on a daily basis with the prayer by Rigdzin Godem means that, for at least the time while i’m saying it, that view in the equation above is operational…but that’s only for a few minutes… what about the rest of the twenty four hours???

Re-membering, re-membering (preferable to being surrounded by body parts!)… form is not other than emptiness, form is exactly emptiness…
So, what is it?…this ‘thing’ to which i am averse?… It’s the flower of emptiness…inseparable from its ground.
And who is this one who is tightening up?…also the radiance of the dharmakaya – impermanent and so ungraspable, arising due to causes and conditions which are themselves impermanent…
Maybe a knot in the handkerchief would help!

Maybe… but this is a slow and uncertain way to proceed…where kind of ‘during or after the event’, if i’m lucky, i realise, so there’s a bit of a gap while i assess, remember….  then also there’s remembering that what is arising in me as a response is also empty… and then orientating myself accordingly – according to received wisdom, or that deduced by analysis.

It’s through the opening and dissolving practices in tantra and dzogchen that i can have an on-going certainty regarding the nature of each manifestation, including that which i call ‘me’. Its through these practises that eventually the relaxation of rigidity enables creativity… when responsivity arises directly from spaciousness, from the infinite hospitality.

iStock_000005584686XSmall-300x299

 

Observing a cat, seeing ‘itself’ in the mirror for the first time

 

……a sudden shock, bristling – the hairs of the fur standing on end, eyes widened…

then settling

…relaxing

…disinterested

 

whilst we might think ‘that’s me who’s in the mirror’ – this cat just checked it out

and then

spent no further time on a reflection.

 

 

Doing the ‘hokey cokey’…..

hokey

‘You put your whole self in – you put your whole self in, you put your whole self out, in out – in out, shake it all about… ‘  ‘that’s what it’s all about’.

Maybe this can be a good metaphor for effective practice!… particularly tantra and dzogchen.

Before I went to sleep as a child there were three prayers i used to say out loud.  One was ‘MatthewMark Luke andJohn blesssther bed that I lie on… Arrrrrmen’    and I said the words… exactly that, I said the words… like a rhyme.

I was very moved by the story in one of the scriptures of the pigeon who felt so desperate to help in the face of  a forest fire which was consuming every living thing…… but was powerless to do anything but fly to and fro with a beak full of water from a nearby river… and then died, exhausted. The beak-fulls of water did not put the fire out yet good consequences did ensue… so maybe these little somethings…? So, later in life, in saying different prayers on a daily basis I started gradually to put more meaning, more intention, more energy and concentration into my hopes and requests.

Although I knew that ‘energy follows intention’  as I spent more time in this neck of the woods, with prayers being the best that I could offer into the desperate and difficult situations in the world, and spending more time doing this, I felt the need to ask whether or not it really made any difference. I could see that it made a difference to me as, over time, it changed my appreciation and orientation yet I was dubious as to how much difference, if any, it made outside of that.

The answer came in the form of a question ‘Can you get someone to turn their head around and look at you if you stare at the back of their head?’….    my answer  was ‘probably yes, if they are not deeply involved in something else.’

Really this was deepening my comprehension that however we are, whatever we do, has an impact – it might not be visible but nevertheless it does.  I had previously explored this with people who say ‘ what’s the point, why bother, what I do doesn’t make any difference?’

Over the years of doing the Rigdzin Puja, often as if it were a piece of pleasant homework, sometimes just ticking the box – ‘task completed’– I finally had a lightbulb moment… seeing that if ‘I’ was doing it – even with my good intentions – it wasn’t being done, or being used, effectively as it should.  For a long time I was going…ah yes, white light…now red light…and so on, turning the pages…but without any feeling of a change it was just words. I had to allow myself to become an engaged participant in the activity, to allow the activity to flow through me, to become the activity, for it to be possible for any effect to occur. That also implied changing priorities, giving enough time and space to the practice and engaging ideally at time when i was fresh rather than half-asleep!

Ah well, it takes as long as it takes…

……Put my little self in, take my little self out

in-out, in-out, shake it all about (it will dissolve if I shake it enough),

Get my big self out, let my little self in…

…the whole self i’m in…     oh! the hokey cokey…

With practise the tune changes…… in out, in out > out-in-out, out-in-out…not so catchy!

 

The teachings have a rather different origin from say “Teach yourself Buddhism”…(the first dharma book i bought…and one i didn’t finish – dry bones)…and it takes time and is worthwhile to let the perfume sink into every pore..

 

I was talking with someone a while ago and mentioned the haiku by Kobayashi Issa “slowly, slowly, the snail climbs Mount Fuji”…he felt so sorry for the snail!

…an alternate rendition “O snail! Climb Mt. Fuji… but slowly, slowly” …maybe gives a better sense of the way

As the practice says…and as the Irish say in a beautiful way… ‘Take your time’

 

Bull in a china shop

nextgov-mediumWhen I started with a little group in  Tiverton some years ago James suggested that I could ‘take along pens knives scissors chopsticks and so on’… or words to that effect.

Sometimes, in order not to interrupt the flow, I trust that things will become clearer in time or through engagement… if I asked him anything by way of clarification I think the answer probably was ‘you have to hold them differently’…err…  yes…and???

As I put together an assortment of articles to take with me I had a glimmering of that to which he was alluding. That everything, everyone, with whom we engage – if the engagement is to be the most attuned or appropriate – requires a unique response, specific to their presentation that time.

I could give you many examples of my not getting that right…however I think this one, which doesn’t involve people, is a good illustration –

I was in charity shop a little while back and when  i went to pick up a painted wooden duck, very similar in appearance to one i once owned …  there was an explosion….it was very surprising …bits of stuff went all over the place.

Luckily I managed to catch a little vase in my skirt before it hit the ground and amazingly the other bits and pieces which I had knocked over were unbroken.

I’m not usually clumsy so what had gone wrong?

Well, it was just that I had picked up the wooden duck, which looked so much like one I had owned some years ago, as though it was the exactly the same. However whilst this duck looked like it was made of wood ( I was not wearing my glasses!) it was in fact pottery – quite a different weight – and, moreover, the head and neck came apart from the body… they formed a lid to a pot… and it that was what I lifted up. I had gauged the amount of energy needed and the trajectory completely wrong and the spare energy scattered everywhere.

So  it is with people. If we are confident that we know how the other is prior to meeting them, or if we meet them without sufficient spaciousness to have a sense of how they actually are ( because we are already full of our own ideas about how they are, or what we have to get across to them)   or if we just have our own constant ‘ way of being’ – take it or leave it this is me! – then the possibility of a beneficial congruence is remote…. and the risk of explosions much greater!

Instead we have to keep looking, take nothing for granted, put our memories aside, and have the confidence to be tentative…trusting that we can regain our balance after a faux pas or mis-step/ mistake… and also play a different tune if that’s what the situation requires.

All of which requires a good degree of openness. Intentionally practising doing it differently will, in my experience only take you so far…  it’s the on-going practice of openness which will naturally lead to that ‘fresh cooking’ in the moment… of/as which James speaks

 

This P.S. arose as a solution to a practical –?what is fitting – problem and might just be useful-

I have a fridge and from time to time the drain hole bungs up and the bottom fills with water. The instructions suggest inserting a little plastic gadget (sometimes supplied) or a straw into the hole. This has worked before but this time no luck!

I didn’t want to call out an engineer to dismantle the drain from the back but, looking on the internet for another solution, i got to see the shape of the drain – its straight for a little bit [the gadget/straw solution works for blockages in this section] but then it then curves away downwards.

I wondered… What would have sufficient strength to clear the blockage…be the right width to fit inside the drain…after insertion- maintain a curve in the right direction so that it would enter the curved part…and be soft enough not to damage the drain ?

…a little while later i caught myself looking at the open plastic ring with the tab – the one that you pull to get the top off a plastic milk carton – as it lay on the side waiting to go into the bin…

Perfect!

 

 

 

Fly

Fly

At one time, little fly, you had the freedom of the space

but then your body  nudged against a tiny sticky filament

and in your struggle to get free

your wings and body were stuck fast

” Fly in a net ”

and yet……..

 

no spider came as answer  to your calls

to turn you into means for its existence

and so,  unwrapped,  flying again became a possibility.

 

Why don’t you move?

you are not dead!

220px-Pollenia-sp-Cluster-fly-20100718a

using a lens and dampened brush

so gently, wash away the unseen residue, the glue,

and be a fly, and fly and be….

 

each moment freed, spontaneously.

 

 

The little net of the ‘ego thought’ catches the passing, fleeting thought… the beginning of the forming of a shape…of solidification and reification  “Open… release…. begin again”…